The Long Tail Fails You, or, A Tirade To Our Bulimic Heroine

Like it or not, the above comic, while cute, is bunk. The truth is, it really is a numbers game. A 30 year old dates anyone from 22-46? No, dear, that median age really does screw you, much more so than it does Stick-Figure Graphy Man. See, guys are out there for one of two things from women: a quick fuck (or series thereof) or a long-term relationship. Quick fuckers, depending on their desperation levels, are going to balance looks with easiness. So as youthful appearance fades, your suitors get skeezier and skeezier. That may keep you warm at night, but that path does not to happy marriage lead.

And the men looking for love? Serious relationships (successful ones, at least) lead to children. As women age, not only do their bodies lose their corporeal enticements, they also deteriorate in ways that lessen the chance for healthy offspring. This is basic biology; it's why men are attracted to young women in the first place. Banging a chick who can pop out kiddies is the survival of the species. And if you think you're going to pull a man by trying to deny his baser bestial instincts, you're crazy.

Men don't have this problem, and again, it's biological. Absent disease, men will spout sperm of viable volatility till the day they die. Older men if properly maintained retain both their physical attractions and the mating appeal of being able to provide and protect. That's why Makes-Graphs-On-Saturdays up there will be bending some intern into hot Reverse Polish action long after your jagged line-titties have draped into bezier curves. Throw yourself on the mercy of the Bell at your own peril.