Monday, October 01, 2007

La Saison De Vélocité For The Discriminating Squid

It's one of my favorite times of year. No, it's not due to being able to see the local sports team participate in that event against their regional rival, or because the interns are out in force, or anything so trite. It's not even because my favorite holiday of the year is only a month off. No, it's new model announcing season, and this year, the big Four are coming big.

Yamaha was first out of the gate, but their updates are minor, so far. Yams remain the bike to ride if you want to pick up easy girls with it, as they drench the road in sexy just standing still. That is, assuming you're too self-respecting for a Harley, and can't afford a Ducati.

Next was a big swing by Kawasaki. Now I'm a big Big Green fan, being a Kwak rider myself, and every year I tire of them sucking ass in Superbike and hope they'll come out with the bike that will blow the doors off of everyone else. Well, this year, I dunno. On the one hand, the new ZX-10R looks to be, as usual, suicidally fast. On the other hand, the front end looks stolen from a Buell Firebolt and the can screams for More Cowbell. They festooned my precious Z with this silliness, why the open-classer? And they've done away with the 'tribal' color scheme, which means that again the best color for the Ninja is jet black.

The bike to beat, racing-wise at least, is the GSX-R. And Suzuki made some pretty sweeping changes here, too, ditching the stacked headlights for the first time since '95. On the one hand, the new face now looks even more like the Chinese dragons that GSX-R-riding hoons have tattooed on their backs. On the other, it now looks very much like a Triumph Sprint ST. What is it with the stolen fascia? Regardless, this bike is one seriously, seriously hot ride. It helps that Suzuki actually paints their bikes, well, different colors, instead of one color and matte black. I like the orange best.

Last of the big names, Honda came out with all new plastic as well. In it's favor, it has by far and large the best exhaust of the bunch, not counting the Yam's obsolete underseats. But anyone who can afford the insurance on these things is going to get an aftermarket can anyway. And the front end? Some have claimed it rips off the Duc 1098. I don't see it. I'm sure it's very aerodynamic, but, somehow, it looks smooshed, almost retarded. Maybe it'll be better in person. But compared to Honda's stunning concepts, or even last year's bikes, it fails it.

Do these bikes go faster or turn tighter than last year's model? Who cares? If you're on the street you can reach felony-level speeds on any stretch of pavement out there without shifting out of first gear. You don't even need this kind of ride to do it; my bike, which was a parts-bin special since the day it came out, will beat any Porsche to 60 and will gladly accelerate beyond speeds at which air resistance would tear me bodily from the cockpit. This is about looking good while stunting like your father. Which is why I give respect to BMW, who has fully embraced the single-sided swingarm, the key ingredient to pure, undiluted sex on wheels.

Do I want any of these rides, then? Nope. Sure, the GSX-R's nice. But I know what I'm waiting for.


roissy said...

what bike would you recommend for a guy who wants to roll up and surprise his dates by throwing them a helmet and telling them to hop on?

intra-DC travel only.

Jewcano said...

As cheap as possible. Not a moped. Think Ninja 250, like what Roosh had. Alternately, you can get a Jap cruiser, new or almost new, on the seriously cheap. A mild streetbike is easier to ride around town, a cruiser will look less nappy after you inevitably drop it and knock it over. Depends on your style and budget. In either case, if you have a motorcycle license, your insurance will be close to zilch.

roissy said...

yeah, i don't want a crotch rocket. i need comfort. i was thinking more of a cruiser. what are they called? honda 750cb or something?

dirt cheap is a must!