Monday, October 08, 2007

When Red Riding Hood Thinks She's The Woodcutter

DC is a very prissy town. City self-image aside, most of the girls here are quite proper, demanding a respectable amount of effort to get them in the sack, where they behave in ways their grandmothers would hardly disapprove of. Despite this, many women like to make themselves feel better by imagining themselves to be dirty, as it adds fantasy to their otherwise orthodox lives. To those who have been around real skanks, this makes DC women seem childish, naive and inexperienced. To demonstrate this, I present the following comparison between the girl who merely thinks herself Naughty, versus the gutter filth of the genuinely Nasty.

  • Naughty: Has a boyfriend back home.
  • Nasty: Fianceé downstairs playing the slots.
  • Naughty: Scratches.
  • Nasty: Chokes.
  • Naughty: Doesn't bother taking off all her clothes before sex.
  • Nasty: Doesn't bother leaving the dance floor.
  • Naughty: Has slept with at least one guy her best friend has also slept with.
  • Nasty: Traded partners halfway through the night, with high-fives involved.
  • Naughty: Has slept with an older man solely because of his wealth and power.
  • Nasty: Has slept with an older man because he could get her cigarettes.
  • Naughty: Has been romanced and seduced by a visitor from a foreign land.
  • Nasty: No common language whatsoever, and man stinks of chemicals and fish. Seduction lasted two hours.
  • Naughty: Talks dirty. Breathes heavy, squeals at appropriate times.
  • Nasty: Is dirty. Grunts and snarls while rutting like a beast in heat.
  • Naughty: Has left the club and gone to a hotel room with a strange man.
  • Nasty: Has left the club and gone to a hotel room with five other girls and seven strange men, including three Marines.
  • Naughty: Had sex in high school, and made no secret of it.
  • Nasty: Slept with her freshman history teacher. Made no secret of it.
  • Naughty: During sex, will play with herself to hasten orgasm.
  • Nasty: During sex, attempts to put a vibrator up your ass, without warning.
  • Naughty: Has had a one night stand with a man whose name she didn't remember.
  • Nasty: Vaguely remembers his buddies filming it, but is fairly sure none of them know her husband.
  • Naughty: Hooks up while on her period.
  • Nasty: Leaves the tampon in.

And endless deviations, culled from personal experience. Pretending to be a bad girl when you're not puts you in the same category as the 14-year old trollops at the mall, trying to have their mothers help them figure out how to be sexy. As always, trying not to be someone else is the best way to avoid looking foolish.

1 comment:

roissy said...

great shots, gov'ner!